Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

The other day I biked to Tim Horton's with Sami. Right before we left my mom called and asked me to pick up a carton of 1 percent milk, so Sami and I biked across the street to Giant Tiger. I grabbed a carton of 2 percent milk and went to pay for it. I asked for a bag, so I could hang it off my bike handles.

Before we left, I noticed a small tear in the bag, but I thought nothing of it. We left the store and started biking home.

Suddenly, the entire bottom of the bag broke open, and the milk dropped underneath my bike. Before I could stop, I ran over the carton and it exploded all over the sidewalk!

Sami laughed and whipped out her phone to take pictures, acting like it was a crime scene.

I started yelling and decided that the milk wouldn't win. I had to go back. I stormed back into Giant Tiger, grabbed another carton of 2 percent milk and went to pay for it. I ignored the look the cashier gave me, Knowing I looked crazy. I'd just bought two cartons of milk in five minutes.

After I payed, I went outside and wrapped the bag around my handlebars, making sure the bag was free of holes. We were halfway home when the bag started ripping. We started biking faster, hoping to make it home before the bag ripped open.

Going faster only made the bag bounce around and rip faster. I thought that it was safe. I only had to round the corner and go down the hill, then I'd be home. I stopped watching the bag.

I could almost see my house when, to my horror, the bag split open and the milk carton fell to the ground with a thud! I quickly swerved out of the way, just barely missing the carton. I stopped and gently picked it up, making sure it wasn't broken. Relieved, I picked it up and biked home.

I knocked on the front door and proudly displayed the undamaged milk carton.

My mom looked at it and said "Thanks, but I wanted one percent..."

Deer don't eat hay.

While me and my friend Sami were eating at the mall Sami told me that her dad wanted to start feeding hay to the deer that live near their house. Then she asked me, "Do deer eat hay?"

Me: yeah.


Sami: No! Where would they get hay!


Me: People feed it to them.

Sami: What if there are no people?!

Me: Then they eat grass.

Sami: What if it just snowed?

Me: then they dig down for the grass.

Sami: There's ten feet of snow. 

Me: Then they eat tree bark.

Sami: But there's no trees.

Me: Then your deer starves to death, and also it suffocates because it's under ten feet of snow.

Sami: but it's a MAGICAL deer and it saw that ten feet of snow was falling all at once, so it jumped up thirty feet, and then it gently floated down and got it's feet a little stuck in the snow. But it got it's feet out.

Me: The deer is still going to starve to death.

Sami: Then the sun comes out, and it starts raining hay, so the deer eats the hay, but it chokes to death.

And that's why deer don't eat hay.

Wednesday

My friend Saabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzmi [pronounced SAMMEE - the alphabet is silent] decided one day that Wednesday's were very scary.

When we asked her why she responded with "Wed-nes-day. Silent letters!"


I can't believe that I went fourteen years without realizing how horrifying those silent letters really are. Wednesday's will never be the same again.