Deer don't eat hay.

While me and my friend Sami were eating at the mall Sami told me that her dad wanted to start feeding hay to the deer that live near their house. Then she asked me, "Do deer eat hay?"

Me: yeah.


Sami: No! Where would they get hay!


Me: People feed it to them.

Sami: What if there are no people?!

Me: Then they eat grass.

Sami: What if it just snowed?

Me: then they dig down for the grass.

Sami: There's ten feet of snow. 

Me: Then they eat tree bark.

Sami: But there's no trees.

Me: Then your deer starves to death, and also it suffocates because it's under ten feet of snow.

Sami: but it's a MAGICAL deer and it saw that ten feet of snow was falling all at once, so it jumped up thirty feet, and then it gently floated down and got it's feet a little stuck in the snow. But it got it's feet out.

Me: The deer is still going to starve to death.

Sami: Then the sun comes out, and it starts raining hay, so the deer eats the hay, but it chokes to death.

And that's why deer don't eat hay.

Wednesday

My friend Saabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzmi [pronounced SAMMEE - the alphabet is silent] decided one day that Wednesday's were very scary.

When we asked her why she responded with "Wed-nes-day. Silent letters!"


I can't believe that I went fourteen years without realizing how horrifying those silent letters really are. Wednesday's will never be the same again.

Microwaveable macaroni

When I was in grade seven I started going home for lunch. My lunches normally consisted of microwavable Kraft Dinner and a couple of granola bars.

One day during winter, I went home and put my Kraft Dinner in the microwave. I set the timer for 3 minutes and 30 seconds and went on the computer in the living room. When I heard the timer go off I waited for a few minutes before finally getting up and walking into the kitchen.

I started walking toward the microwave when I started smelling something funny. I looked toward the door and saw a cloud of smoke. My mind immediately went into 'Panic Mode'. I tried to think of any possible explanations for the smoke and the burnt-Styrofoam smell. The only explanation that came to me was "It must be some kind of knockout gas! Then they'll come in and finish me off!"


Before I could go into a full panic about a crazy killer gassing me, I realized how ridiculous it was. I pushed the idea away and  called my mom at work, since I still didn't know where the smoke was coming from. My mom was going to call the fire department, but decided to get my dad to check it out first.

Soon, the smell became unbearable. I went outside to wait for my dad. He was a little irritated and panic-y, but not very. I tend to over-exaggerate, so I don't think he expected much. He went inside and looked around a bit, trying to find the source of the smoke and the smell. He was leaving the kitchen when the microwave buzzed.

"what was that?" He asked. I responded, "Oh, it's just the microwave..." Only then did I realize where the smoke must have been coming from.

My dad opened the microwave door to reveal a Styrofoam bowl filled with macaroni that had been burned so badly it was black. I had forgotten to add the water.

and that's why I don't eat microwavable KD anymore.

I'm a Trash Can Whisperer :o

Today at lunch my friends and I were eating in our usual spots on the platform above the stairs; Me by the garbage can in the corner, Elise and Sam by the trash can on the other wall. Near the end of our lunch hour, something started making a clanging noise. I was sitting right next to the garbage can, when this clanging started. My immediate thought was "Oh no! Someone's trying to bash through the wall!" but I realized how silly that sounded. My second thought was "Oh, the heater/air conditioner must be malfunctioning!" but I knew what the logical explanation really was. Obviously, this trash can was angry at me.

I quickly stood up and walked over to hide behind Sam. I did not want to be eaten by an angry garbage can. Suddenly an idea came to me. What if the trash can was hungry? I desperately looked around for something to feed it. My eyes fell on an apple someone had left on the platform after they had dropped it (and then kicked around >.<). I cautiously picked the apple up and tossed it into the trash can. One more clang, and then... silence. I threw the small remainder of my cheese stick into the bucket, just to be safe.

I always suspected it, but now it is confirmed. I am a trash can whisperer.

Car Stickers !

You know those stickers that you can buy to stick to your car windows? The ones shaped like people or pets that are supposed to show your family?

Today on my way to my hair appointment we saw a van with those stickers on its back window. They looked something like this:

And then my mom and I had a conversation that went something like this:

mom; Aw, It's a kid in a stroller!

me; oh, cool...

mom; Or maybe it's a kid on crutches! 

me; um, okay...?

mom; They just want us to feel sorry for them because their child is on crutches!

me; I'm pretty sure it's just a stroller...

mom; Or maybe the kid's going skiing! 

me; Then why is only one kid going skiing?

mom; They must be favoring their crippled child! 

me; ... mom, it's just a sticker...

mom; I still think they're trying to make us feel sorry for that poor kid on crutches.

me; Why would they even make a sticker for a kid on crutches?

mom; ...

me; I'm pretty sure it's just a stroller, mom.

and then my mom just laughed. By then we were at the hair salon, so I just let it go xD

Do you like Green Eggs and Ham?

You know that one book that makes you think that all other books aren't worth your time because it's just so good?

I recently read a book like that. You may have heard of it, Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss? I first read it when I was younger, but back then I couldn't quite grasp the genius behind it.

I love this book. The plot is so complex, and the characters are completely realistic. I mean, Sam I am? Genius. It's such a detailed story, and the book is just full of suspense. Will he ever eat the green eggs and ham? It keeps you at the edge of your seat until the very end!

Best. Book. Ever!

xD ^Okay, so maybe that's not completely true, but it's still amazing^

My dad is crazy!

XD so I'm sitting here minding my own business watching some cop show with my dad and mom, and my dad starts yelling about how 'OMG These cops are so stupid!!! They should've blablahblah!!!'

His face is beat red, and he looks like he's about to start foaming at the mouth xD My mom tried to tell him that it's just a show, but he ignored her, going on about how 'OMG this cop needs to be fired!! He's a horrible cop!!'

My grandparents called and my dad started telling them about how the cops in this show suck.

He does this with every show, even simple things like Spongebob. When he watches movies he's always ranting about how 'pfft! Like that would ever happen!! *cue Rainbow unicorns* It's SOO unrealistic! :/"

I'm thinking he might get a little too into television shows xD
My dad also saw a commercial for a Disney show called Pair of Kings, and his jaw dropped. He looked like it was some amazing, life-changing phenomenon.